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  • Writer's pictureCile

Episode Forty Five, Effacement

There comes a holy time in our lives when we learn the truth of ourselves. It is not usually a fun time because we are born to fuck things up before we come around. For some, these things just roll off their back but for others the realizing just how deceitful we can be to our selves, and worse, to others and witnessed by them is shocking and really hard to untangle ourselves from to forgive. We have more ways to wear shame than Christian Doir had corsets. It is towards the forgiveness that ends the fire walk, however. It is the forgiveness that brings the relief from the pain of recognizing just how wrong we can be about ourselves and the way the world works beyond our control. It is the jumbo humble pie medicine that must be consumed before we can find relief.

Astrologically this revelation comes sometime in our twenties for most folks and culminates around the twenty-ninth birthday. We loose a lot of sensitive warriors at this juncture of life. The vulnerability is real and it cycles around until it is faced as a surrender or a resignation. Mostly it has been an unconscious endeavor for people. If a person is a sensitive human they are going to stumble if not buckle and die on this hill under the weight of expectation.

The only way we know we have made it through the fiery walk of shame is by forgiving ourselves, discovering compassion and feeling how it changes us.

In this poem, Hafiz expresses his feelings during his difficult time of self reflection. There are no tender rescues in a spirited or a spiritual life. One needs courage, tools and tenderness - and plenty of it - because the truth can cut deep and the slog in healing is arduous.

Thank you for listening.

Music: I saw Trent Rezner and David Bowie perform this in 1995 when they were on tour together so I picked this rendition of Rezner's song, Hurt. Reznor, born in 1965, was 30 years old or there about in this video. I think this song resonates with the stink of self recognition. It was just after this tour he turned his focus on sobering up and stepping into his life in a new way. He made it through the fire and around the bend. The song is pretty self explanatory regarding how it feels to be lost in disillusionment, shame and regret.

...What have I become?

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt...

There is an stellar interpretation of this song by Johnny Cash here.

The original post in this series of poems by Hafiz can be found here.

The Gift: Poems by Hafiz and translated by Daniel Ladinsky can be purchased here.


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