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  • Writer's pictureCile

I Will Posses Your Heart

The 70's. When everything but common sense, conscience and moral fiber worked according to the manufacturer's specifications.

"I didn't want to be impolite"

These are words that should be banished from every girl's vocabulary from now until the end of time. The mere murmur of them should cast a shudder of expectation of the most brutal and devastating reactions. There should be entire classes with curriculum warning young women/girls and orienting men/boys to alarm should they find themselves anticipating politeness from others and/or hear themselves utter these words in anticipating pacification. Politeness is seeded in fear and conquest and needs to be recognized early in children's lives as such. Our decisions must stop being waylaid by proprieties that demand our overriding our own intuition, needs and desires.

This heinous imperative to expect such reactions from others is employed to manipulate people and unbalance them. There is a big difference between being kind and being polite. Politeness is born of a pretense; kindness and diplomacy springs from the heart and is a genuine caring. The fact that I did not understand this difference dictated a world of hurt in my life. It is a great relief to me that this kind of "propriety" is falling into disuse with youth today. It is still promoted, however, which means that personal empowerment will be diverted and not be appreciated and respected for what it actually is: being authentic and honest.

This excerpt of my life is a cautionary tale in this regard. Trying to avoid hurting someone's feelings allowed me to be led into dangerous situations with others. It went deep in me to always be polite.

Thank you for listening.

Different Ways, Chapter 12 , I Will Possess Your Heart , pp. 77-79.

The movie Play Misty For Me was a precursor in formula of psychological horror to the more recent film, Fatal Attraction which people may be more familiar with. In the early 1970's this kind of psychological thriller (outside of Hitchcock) was not mainstream fodder and it became hugely popular. Both films deal with female obsession and are violent. I have wiring that orbits tightly with this issue. This particular film involved a disc jockey and music and while I was not aware of my sleeping dysfunction then, this event made sure that I would never forget the terror of passions raging out of control. In this way, it set a precedent in me regarding pushing things to get my way. I see it now as a bit of warning to my future self that I would be tested in this way one day and I was. To recognize myself as the antagonist in that story was definitely not someone I wanted to meet or cultivate within myself. In this way, the terror of this event was a passing an emotional kidney stone but I was not likely to ever forget the movie and its message and I didn't.

Music: It is said that we are all humans with purpose and I believe we all, on some level, harbor an intention to identify fear and find courage and deliver love into the world. I answer to my soul/my spiritual self - the part of me that exists outside of time - in this way. I may not have known most of my life that I was being guided but, clearly, we all are. I was and I am still when I remember to pay attention. I feel oddly vulnerable to say it here but it should be obvious that I feel and think this way if you read my book. This song reminds me of my relationship to my soul; how I've experienced it. It has often been tumultuous and upsetting and overwhelming. This is my most intimate connection and exhibits "how it feels when I break the chains" of fear within me, when I give in to love. It is the most resplendent and rewarding feeling of success and empowerment. It hasn't been an easy relationship with my spiritual self but I recognize that my healing demanded a kind of devotional disruption and submission to that which is greater. I see the surrender in this video and relate to the song's testament.

Thank you for joining me here. The memoir Different Ways: Revealing the Feminine can be purchased through my website using a link to Village Books at There will soon be an eBook version available with an independent retailer. The e-book on Amazon is a bit of a mess but free if you are a Kindle member. Don't buy it. Parts are missing.

The BlogCast that outlines my intentions for this series of readings from my book, Different Ways, Revealing the Feminine can be found here in the post, Between the Lines.


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